The SuperMom Chronicles

ONE YEAR OUT

2012-02-08T19:10:00.000-08:00

I've been mentally writing this blog for about a month. This weekend marks one year of life for which I am unashamedly celebrating and praising God! Since sometime around Christmas I've been reflecting on the events of last year that led to emergency surgery during the wee hours of February 13, 2011. If you somehow missed out, you can read about my brush with death(seriously, I almost died) by clicking HERE. You can also read about the internal bleeding that I suffered a few weeks afterward that was not quite as life-threatening but definitely affected my recovery HERE.

Of course, my 2011 hospital adventures were preceeded by three others in 2010. My digestive system has taken a beating but by the grace of God I am still here. And, as you might have guessed, I've leared a few things along the way...

Doctors don't always know what in the heck is going on. My 2011 surgery and hospitilization were preceded by off-and-on sickness that began on September 17, 2010. CT scans, endoscopies, xrays, ultrasounds showed nothing. I know my doctors were doing their best, but when routine means aren't producing answers, you have to be your own advocate.

If you hurt, something is wrong. Keep seeking answers.

Thank a person who saves your life. At least twice.

Don't play the hero. Take time to heal before going back to work or doing anything else that requires taking care of others. Take care of YOU first.

Blog more. Even if nobody else in the world is interested, go back and read what you've written and learn from it. Your kids might even want to read it one day, too.

Medical insurance is not all it's cracked up to be. Secondary insurance is.

You CAN lose your job because of being sick. But you'll get another one. A way better one. :)

Children are resilient. And mine, in particular, are especially empathetic.

I hate broth and jello.

Accept help. Not just when you're sick, but when you're behind in your work or when you're tired and you could just use a hand. And if nobody offers and you really need it, just ask. The worst someone could say is 'no' but they'll probably say 'yes.'

It's ok if the house is not always perfect. It's even ok to hire a cleaning lady for awhile.

It takes a strong woman to still be awake, much less be walking around, with a hemoglobin level of 5.

My family loves me. Every last one of them. <3

GOD IS BIGGER. Every single thing over the last year has been a part of an intricate plan for my life. I do not regret any bit of the way I spent 2011. I certainly did not enjoy all of it, but pain brings clarity. Crisis births strength. Inability ignites growth.

Jeremiah 29:1 (NIV)

" For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Are Dumb People Happier?

2011-12-06T14:24:00.000-08:00

I once dated someone who proclaimed on a regular basis that dumb people certainly must be happier. "Happier than...?" I would typically ask. The answer was a monologue on how someone with any sort of intelligent mind must not be able to reach true peace and happiness considering the knowledge of all the world's evils and complications and their resulting consequences.

Aside from the obvious and unkind stereotype, I have to admit that it does make sense. Can't you just vizualize bearded scholars sitting around tables in darkened library corners anguishing over the world's perils? (Oops, more stereotypes! Sorry!)

But of course, that young man was oh, so wrong!!

True happiness comes from faith in God and the knowledge that what we experience on earth is simply that...earthly. We define good and evil, happiness and sadness, poor and rich and every other set of opposites through our experiences here on earth. Our definitions even vary from person to person. We compare our lives in terms of earthly birth and death and what happens inbetween. That's how we tend to rate the quality of of our own living.

It's only when we truly believe that this existence is just a small piece of an eternal puzzle that we can really "get it" and maintain some sort of emotional earthly equilibrium. This life is really just the beginning. Your life, like mine, is a finely detailed plan in its infancy. So to everyone, geniuses included, choose to look around and redefine your life and your attitude by the amazing piece of creation and the wonderful beings that we get to enjoy...for now...choosing to be anything other than happy is just not worth the waste of precious time.

Confrontation

2011-11-28T20:22:00.000-08:00

Recently I've noticed an ever-growing trend. The problem: not enough confrontation. (Huh?) You know you've noticed this, too. Our society has grown into this sickeningly-sweet-don't-wanna-hurt-your-feelings kind of world. We overlook the fact that the guy who cuts our grass doesn't trim and edge as promised. You rearrange your afternoon to accomodate the interviewee who showed up an hour late with no explanation. He accepts a plate of food in a restaurant that is less than satisfactory. Someone allows a teacher or a coach to trash talk to children (or worse) without stepping in.

So when we are left with inferior work, poor employees, poor quality products, and damaging unkindness, we have no one but ourselves to blame. SO many problems would be solved and fewer feelings hurt if we would just go straight to the source. Talk to that person in private, air your grievances in a loving way, show some grace when appropriate, yet hold folks accountable for what's reasonable - and always hold someone accountable for what has been promised!

My husband is going to roll his eyes at me when he reads this. He knows I am actually the queen of don't-wanna-hurt-your-feelings-land. But I'm working on it dilligently, and I must say, I am happy with the results!

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. - Matthew 18:13

By TwitterButtons.com

God.

2011-11-06T15:11:00.000-08:00

Last Monday I challenged my staff big time. The assignment: Come to work next week prepared to share how you would explain God's love to someone who wants to know more about Him.

And of course, a leader can't lead well who doesn't have an answer of her own. So here we go...

In order to answer this question I have to take a bit of a step back. More often than not, the question I get is this: How do you know that God is real? We can't see him. He doesn't talk to us. We can't go hang out at His house and ask Him what He thinks or if what we are doing with our lives is right or wrong. All true. But the distinction here is that a relationship with God isn't about trying to reach him. It's about letting him reach us. And guess what...He already does every single day if only we take a second to notice...

You know when you watch that silly, sweet Hallmark commercial and start crying? That's God.

And you know when you just have the feeling you should check on your kid one more time during the night and find the blanket over his face? That's God.

How about when you hesitate for a second at the green light just to see an 18-wheeler barrel through the intersection? God.

The feeling that you need to go back and apologize to your friend because what you said may not have sounded the way you meant for it to sound? Also God.

Then, of course, there's that other feeling you had way back when you were ten and you took that kid's brand new pack of Garbage Pail Kids cards even though you knew it was wrong. Some people call that your conscience. Guess what...God.

The check you got in the mail that time for exactly the amount of money you needed to make ends meet this month? God. And maybe your mother. But mostly God!

Remember that time that stranger stopped and helped you change your tire in the rain? God.

And the girl at Starbucks who was patient with you even though you were crabby and ugly to her? That kicked your butt when you realized how you were behaving, didn't it? God again.

That gorgeous hot pink sunset? God.

The aurora borealis? How is that even POSSIBLE?? GOD!

The little heartbeat on that ultrasound screen? Whether it was a surprise or it took ten years to happen...GOD! GOD! GOD!

Convinced yet? If not...I've got more if you want to talk about it. I'll bring the tissues. :) Better yet, I'll take you to church and let you talk to somebody who can explain FAR better than I can. What I know is that much more than seeing or hearing God, I can FEEL God through all the amazing things that take place in a day's time or a life time. There's just no way that this universe has been coordinated so perfectly and in such stunning beauty by chance. There's no other way that timing is so precise as to put two people in the same place at the same time for the same purpose so often.

One more thing...if all of the scenarios above demonstrate God's love for us in some way...I'm here to tell you this list is only one grain of sand in the desert compared to the tsunami of love that God is ready to unleash upon you if only you allow it.

God is in every particle of air that we breathe. His love penetrates our bodies, our minds, and our souls...BUT we make the choice. The question is...do we let Him reach us? Do we let Him into our lives?

It's up to you.

Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. -Romans 10:13

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen (Ephesians 3:16-21).

Our Little Ray of Sunshine

2011-10-11T17:28:00.000-07:00

This afternoon a mom and a dad came in to pick up their child at preschool. As I always do, I asked how they were and the mom replied through teary eyes, "We had to put our eighteen-year-old cat to sleep this morning." If you know me you might think that's going to be the pivotal connection in this story as I can closely relate. I lost my sweet Mattie to cancer three years ago and my lovable, fifteen-year-old, diabetic Isaac surely will not be with us forever. My eyes quickly teared up, too.

It's what they said next, though, that made the impression. "We're ready to pick up our little ray of sunshine." The power of a sweet little face was going to change the way they faced the rest of a very tough day.

It was such a simple exchange, but it was such a great reminder that as a teacher, it's so crucial to live out the belief that every single child is a ray of sunshine to someone and should be treated as such. Even when they refuse to sit down and listen. Or throw their shoes in the trash can. Or tip over a cup of paint on purpose. Or somehow forget to clean up even though you just told them to five seconds ago. Or tell you, "NO!" so many times in one day that it makes your skin prickle.

Because moreover, that child is not just a ray of sunshine to a pair of human parents, but to the God who created them. He's entrusted these children to us for such a short amount of time. Every encounter is so fleeting, yet so important, and so precious.

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." (Mark 10:14)

Children are a gift from the LORD, they are a reward from Him. (Psalm 127:3)

Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 18:4)

The Irish Twin Phenomenon

2011-09-24T22:17:00.000-07:00

Technically, Irish Twins are two children born to the same mother from two separate pregnancies within 365 days of each other. The term is intended to be derogatory, which is a total bummer, me being quite Irish and all. Interestingly, it's pretty much become American vernacular to use the term to define any two siblings who were born less than two years apart or so. You know, the ones that are so close in age that they really look like they could be fraternal twins but you're just not quite sure.

My "Irish Twins" are exactly 14 1/2 months apart. Over the last three years I've discovered just how common this really is. Just about everyone I meet for the first time either knows someone who had little ones close together or perhaps has a sibling so close in age. I even worked with someone who was born on her sister's first birthday.

But the best of all is the chance to meet a mom with her own Irish twins, especially a pair that's still little. The conversation almost always goes like this:

Her: How old are your kids?
Me: 3 and 4 (or insert whatever age they were at the time)
Her: And how far apart are they?
Me: Fourteen months (I leave off the 1/2 so I don't sound like a nut to someone I've just met.)
Her: Oh, mine are 15 months apart!
Me; Oh, so you KNOW!

Always, it always goes down that way! There's rarely ever even a deviation from the script. We instantly bond because we both KNOW. We know about the two years straight of lost sleep. We know about the assault on your body from back to back pregnancies and nursing. We know about the infinite, infinite diaper changes. We know about the ease with which contagious illnesses spread and continue to circulate. We miss our bodies, our husbands, our short term memory and our sanity.

But...we also know so much more about how to do it all better the second time because we just did the very same thing a few months ago. We know what to buy and what not to buy. We know how to get two babies and ourselves ready and out of the house in the time it takes one husband to shower and shave. We know how to maximize the space underneath a double stroller and can pack in everything you or I would need on any given Target run. And we know that hand-me-downs are a precious thing, regardless of gender.

The best part, though, is that we also know how two siblings can truly love one another. We know that they can and will develop their own version of twinspeak (and can probably translate). We know how much one child can miss the other simply from being apart while sleeping at night or naptime. We know that empathy develops far earlier than textbooks claim. We know that these two little souls will be eternally tied to one another in a way that only they will fully understand.

Some days I look at my children and wonder what they will be like when they're older. Will they stay this close? (I know they will.) I wonder if there are more babies in our future. (My kids would make a great big brother and big sister.) But I just can't imagine tipping the balance of this perfectly unplanned little family.

God.is.good.

a preschool prayer

2011-09-05T12:30:00.000-07:00

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for your guidance, wisdom, and perfect timing. Thank you for the teachers, parents, and children who will walk through our doors tomorrow and throughout the week. Thank you for the gift of community and the opportunity to serve. Thank you for the leaders who have prepared me to do this job - and I mean every single one of them over the past 37 years - because there have been many!

Please bless the teachers. Give them a beautiful voice so that the children will want to listen. Grant them empathy so that they may feel each and every moment of hurt and moment of joy so that they may make each child feel special. Grant them wisdom and creativity and enthusiasm so that the children will love to learn! Grant them patience, because, well, you know why...

Please bless the parents, Lord. Let them feel comfort in leaving their most precious gifts from You in our care. Grant them rest so that they may be refreshed during their time away from their children. Grant them relationships, Lord, as children's friends so often turn families into friends.

Most of all, please bless the children. Give them a sense of self so that they may develop their own amazing, unique personalities! Grant them the development of language so that they may understand and communicate with their new friends. Grant them healthy, strong bodies so they may grow and play and learn! Grant them self control so that they may learn and not keep others from learning. Grant them peace so that they may not be afraid, Lord. That's a tough one, but You did not design our hearts or minds to be fearful. Above all else, Lord, let them feel LOVE. Let them feel Your arms wrapped around them through hugs and kind words and fun! Let them feel LOVE everywhere and in everything we do!

Thank you for this privilege, Lord. I have answered Your call and know that these are high stakes, but I am up to the challenge. We have spent a lot of time together this summer, Lord - probably more than we ever have - and You have prepared me well. Thank you for trusting me. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

A Very Fair Trade

2011-09-02T21:39:00.000-07:00

It occurred to me on Wednesday night that I am the mother of two preschoolers. Cliche warning: How did this happen? They were babies just yesterday. Like, I'm literally still catching up from the back to back years of sleep deprivation.

The reason I came to this realization is because Wednesday was parent orientation for my children's preschool. As it turns out, not only do I serve as mommy in this case, but also as the director of their preschool. The beauty of this is that I had the honor of being a big part in the planning of this preschool as it's brand new. Planning for any educational setting is a privilege, but I can tell you there's a whole 'nother element of special involved when you're planning such an important thing for your own children.

However, I screwed up. In talking with my husband, we decided that he would watch the kids while I attended (read: gave a presentation to 30 families) at the orientation. Surely I knew everything there is to know about the preschool policies and procedures and could relay any necessary information to him on any given occasion. Good enough.

All was well until the end of the night came and both of the kids' teachers handed me the welcome letters and "getting to know you" papers for me to fill out on my kids. Technically, I missed their open house! After my presentation, the parents went to visit the classrooms to get the details and paperwork from the teachers. I was peeping into each room to make sure everything was ok and covering the t-shirt table.

A few tears later, I gathered myself, prayed, and here's what came to me: I may have missed this milestone, but I get to be there for every single day of preschool ahead! I've missed so much in the first three and four years of my children's lives because of working full time, but I'm about to receive a greater blessing than I could have ever even thought to plan for our family! Good thing not ALL the planning is left up to me!

Jeremiah 29:11

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Pics to follow! :)

Today at lunch...

2011-08-18T19:36:00.000-07:00

Today at lunch a waiter accidentally spilled a diet coke all over me. And I mean ALL over me. I was soaked. Actually, I think the whole thing happened in slow motion, which probably allowed more time for more diet coke to reach me and soak me even more.

Fortunately, I kept it together and dried off a bit. The poor waiter was mortified and struggled through waiting on us for the rest of our meal. Like any decent person would, I told him that accidents happen and not to worry about it.

The manager of the restaurant came over several times to make sure that I was not too disgruntled. I left with no bill and a $15 gift card. He also offered to reimburse me for dry cleaning. I told him that my shirt was from Target and I thought it would do just fine in my washer, but thanked him just the same.

First of all, that was excellent customer service. If you ever eat at PF Chang's at Southpoint in Durham, NC, you should ask for Jason and tell him the girl who had diet coke spilled all over her on August 18, 2011 sent you. Tell him you read about him in my blog. I think that would be a really nice touch.

Secondly, I learned something today. If you love your job, you will go to a staff meeting directly after lunch covered in diet coke and totally be ok with it. I, as it seems, love my job.

So, Who ARE You People?

2011-08-15T19:39:00.000-07:00

Today I discovered the "stats" page here on blogger.com. Holy tomatoes! It seems that on the day that I post a blog, I receive an average of about 85 page views. Better still...over the life of my blog I have had well over 1500 visits! What in the WORLD?? I had no idea! And speaking of world...while the vast majority of my page views originate from the United States, I actually have had hits from far and wide...Japan, Great Britain, even Australia, mates!

So, who ARE you people?

Seriously, I want to know! Who is reading my blog? What do you like about it? What do you hate? What would you like to see me write about? Because, as you might imagine, even if I don't have much insight on a topic, I guarantee you that I at least have an opinion about it!

To all of my regulars...you guys are fantastic and I have really appreciated your love and support of this strange little project via your feedback on facebook. But as for the rest of you...HEY! Thanks for reading this! (I have readers!) I'd love to hear what you're thinking. You can also click "join this site" up in the top righthand corner of the page to start "following" my blog. That way you'll be notified via email whenever I post something new.

Oh, my goodness...this just may get even more interesting! Seth Godin says, "If you want to be a writer, write!" So...ok, I think I will!

Dolce far Niente

2011-08-14T13:03:00.000-07:00

Over the last several months I've been mentally planning for a blog entitled something like: Why I Left Public Education. I had intended it to be a very credible and well-stated SLAM of the public education system. I would systematically expose how education has evolved for the worse over the last fifteen years - how much is expected of teachers and how the amount of documentation required leaves teachers no time to teach. I would wow you with my sugestions on how we might begin to improve "the system" so that it no longer sucked the soul out of teachers.

Until I realized last week that I was wrong. WRONG.

I know in my heart that of all the initiatives that filter down to the classroom are intended to be good for children. Really, even though teachers are being worked to death to support the diverse needs of an increasingly diverse population of children, working hard is necessary and the right thing to do. BUT! There is still ONE THING that the public school system is doing wrong consistently. The majority of public school leaders are not honoring nor are they supporting a DAY OF REST.

So many teachers find themselves working all weekend to complete what's been asked of them. Many, many teachers work for hours upon hours over the weekend. I found myself at a point last year that I would work for about eight hours on Saturday or Sunday. (This was in addition to the two or three hours I worked each weeknight after coming home and spending time with my family.) My anxiety on Sunday was so severe! What if I didn't get it all done? Sometimes I didn't. I would be such a wreck on Monday mornings!

Awhile back I started to notice a pattern on my facebook news feed. Sunday is the facebook day for "I don't want to go back to work" posts. What career has the most of those posts in general? You guessed it...teaching! Who wants to go back to work on Monday when you've been working all weekend? How can you be refreshed and inspired when you've been using up all of your creative energy with eight hours of planning on your time off? The human soul was never intended to work nonstop. We need time for our souls to catch up to our bodies! (Pastor Benji Kelley 2011)

One of my teacher friends stated it best a few years ago when she said, "Yes, I do understand all of my teaching responsibilities clearly. However, I also understand that completing everything that I have been asked to do in a timely fashion is impossible." She was so right! What I'm realizing is that I personally did not say no often enough. I was asked to lead this committee and mentor this younger teacher and spend time with this family who needs someone to model how to work with their children at home. It's all for the greater good!

But what about my greater good? What about my family? I matter! We matter!

You should be able to go to your supervisor and say, "I have taken on too much. I am concerned that if I do not take at least one day (maybe even two!) per week to rest, that I will not be able to do this job effectively anymore." That supervisor should listen. If you're not getting this type of support from your current employer, find another one who will. They are out there. I promise. I know because I found one.

Most of us are familiar with the concept that Europeans are far more laid back than we Americans are in this aspect. In fact, the Italians have a phrase "dolce far niente" which translates to "the sweetness of doing nothing." They believe that running yourself ragged as many of us tend to do is just plain ridiculous. And they are just plain right. While doing nothing is perhaps not always literal, it may mean lounging at the pool or playing checkers with your kids, it does mean taking a break from the working world. Folks, it's crucial. It's vital. It will save your life. I know because it's saving mine.

This week Seth Godin published a blog on wasting time. You should totally check it out because he is awesome: Wasting Time is Not a Waste. You may even want to subscribe to his blog or like him on facebook.

And if you wanna hang with God while you're wasting time, I highly recommend that you check out this sermon by my seriously awesome pastor, Dr. Benji Kelley. It will show you step by step how to actually accomplish this: Soul Sabbath.

Although I can tell you, if you choose to hang with God during your free time, it will be anything but a waste!

My love and prayers go out to all of my public school teacher friends reading this blog as you go back to school this week. You are making a difference! Just please, please, be sure to take care of your soul! YOU MATTER!

Denyse's Wager

2011-07-02T20:32:00.000-07:00

In January of 2001 I took a break from teaching to work in furniture sales. Acutally, I should say that I took a break from teaching and ended up in furniture sales. I had become a bit disenchanted with public education, which is more than ironic that I'm thinking about this right now after finally escaping the strangling grasp of the state of North Carolina. Ok, that's a bit dramatic. But, as usual, I digress.

I left teaching because I was not happy. It was more than just being unhappy with my job - it really all stemmed from me not being happy with ME. My mom called it a "quarter life crisis" since a book with the same name came out that same year. I'm pretty sure she saw it on Oprah or something. I think she was just happy to put a label on what was wrong with her oldest child! You can read more about a quarter life crisis here: http://www.quarterlifecrisis.com/. I never read the book so I can't recommend it, but the concept makes sense. A twenty-something person gets out into the real world for a few years and then questions his/her career decision, relationships, lack of purpose, etc. I was definitely doing all of the above.

My biggest issue, though, was that I was questioning the existence of God. I had become a Christian at the age of nine. "How could a child so young truly make that sort of decision," I wondered. "How do I believe in something I can't see?" Even though I used to think I at least felt something, some sort of Godly presence, I wasn't feeling it anymore.

Until...

While working in the furniture store, I met a sixty-something African-American gentleman who basically served as a custodian. He cleaned and moved large furniture items and repaired things. I'm sure he did other things as well but I was far too invloved in myself and my own problems to learn more about him.

Whenever we ended up in the break room together it made me uncomfortable yet at the same time I wanted to hear what he had to say. He talked to me more than to the other sales people, or at least it seemed that he did. I think he said he had been a professor. Or was it a minister? I'm not even sure anymore, but he always called me "Teacher."

"Ok, Teacher, today is the 14th and it's falling on a Tuesday. Mathematically, can that happen again in the same year?" Well, I had no idea, of course. Math is not my thing (understatement). But I would listen politely while he explained why it was or was not possible.

"Teacher, what do you do if a child in your class steals something?" I would give some sort of developmentally-appropriate-approved-by-the-state-of-Virginia type answer and then wait for his reply. "But is that really getting to the root of the problem, Teacher? Isn't that just a bandaid?"

He kind of blew my mind.

Then, one day we started to talk about God. This kindly former professor or minister or something introduced me to a theory called Pascal's Wager. (Yes, this was the same Pascal you learned about in math class in high school.) The theory deals with your choice in whether or not to believe in God, specifically the God of Christian faith. Pascal said that if you choose to believe and you are right, you will be rewarded with heaven, and thus have gained. If you choose to believe and it turns out there is no God and no heaven, you have still lived your life so the loss is infinitisimal. Or, in other words:

	God exists	God does not exist
Believe in God	Infinite gain in heaven	Insignificant loss
Disbelieve in God	Infinite loss in hell	Insignificant gain

You can read more in depth about Pascal's Wager as well as more about his many contributions to religious theology, literature, math, and several other areas here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pascal's_Wager. Pascal was a pretty versitile dude.

So for awhile I kind of clung to this. It was better to believe that there was some bigger, better being looking out for me on a daily basis. And if I thought hard about bible teachings, I sometimes remembered this bigger, better, omnipotent and omnipresent being knew the number of hairs on my head. This was exactly what I needed - some sort of rational thinking to satisfy my analytical mind. (I said analytical - not mathematical.) It was better to believe and be wrong than to not believe and be wrong. So I'd choose to continue to believe...just in case.

Ten years later, my feelings about God and how I know He is real couldn't be any more different. But that's another blog. I'm just so thankful for that man who cleaned that furniture store. I wish I could remember his name. I wish I could thank him. I wonder if he has any idea that he helped me through such a dark period of my life? Or, maybe he does. An unlikely friendship between a chubby, 20-something, teacher-on-a-break and a retired African-American man whose former career is now fuzzy to me. Maybe he was not a man at all...maybe...could he have been an angel?

I Love You In God's Way

2011-06-27T20:06:00.000-07:00

Well, I love him in God's way.

Remember saying that as a child? It was always my way of disowning my crummy kid brother yet remaining loyal to my family at the same time. Sometimes it was the way to distinguish the way in which I loved a boy outside of my family. "No, I don't LOVE him! Eww! I just love him in God's way!"

Even as a child I understood that God commanded us to love one another. I think I even understood that we should love everyone unconditionally. I wonder, though, how many people actually knew that I loved them? My mom and dad? My crummy kid brother and annoying little sister? My best friends? Who knows that I love them right now? My husband and my kids? My friends and neighbors? The people I work with?

This morning I spent a lot of time thinking about how I show people that I love them. My mind traveled back to the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I read the book as a newlywed and it really opened my eyes about how to show someone that you love them. If you aren't sure what the love languages are, you can read a summary here: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/ . There's lots of cool stuff on the website and you can even take a test to find out what your primary love language is.

While I'm sure I can always do more to show my family that I love them, there is a special group of people that will become a big part of my life over the summer. I have the honor and the pleasure of leading a group of teachers who will be the very first staff of a brand new preschool. This is HUGE! God's letting me do this? I already have such a deep and precious love for these ladies - some of whom I have not even met yet! I know from past leadership positions that the relationship you have with your team is vital to the quality of work that you do. Happy, supported, validated people are productive, passionate, and loyal!

So how...how do I do this? How do I show people that I barely know how much I love them? I'm going to have to listen and pay very close attention. Or maybe in some cases I'll have to just come right out and ask. What will these ladies appreciate most? Having a mess cleaned up for them? Kind words of encouragement? A hug? I don't know yet, but I'm going to find out...and in doing so I think I just may find out a lot more about what loving people "in God's way" actually means. And that, my friends, sounds like the beginning of something BIG!

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

The Chicken Nugget Years

2011-04-26T18:33:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine used to take her then elementary-aged children to McDonald's once a month as a treat. She would not allow them to get cheeseburgers, but instead ordered Chicken McNuggets. Surely chicken is healthier than beef, right? To help matters, she would also instruct her young ones to remove the "peeling" as she called it, just like peeling a banana before eating it.

My kids would never go for this, and they're 2 1/2 and almost 4. I don't know how she kept this up as long as she did.

We all know what chicken nuggets really are. If you missed the chicken nugget episode of Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution last year, you need to google it, and fast. Once you do, you'll want to sign the petition to help America's kids change their eating habits as well. You can do that here: http://www.jamieoliver.com/foundation/jamies-food-revolution/.

But already, I digress...

I get why kids like chicken nuggets. I like them, too - they just taste good. I especially like the dinosaur shaped ones by Tyson. Purist that I am, I dunk them in ketchup. What I'm trying to understand though, is how kids' tastes evolve over the years. Tonight at dinner my almost-four-year-old begged for some of my General Tso's Chicken. He LOVED it. He's been my better eater all along. When he was a baby he ate anything. Then he went through the picky years as most toddlers do, and now he's braving new territory. He's officially sworn off broccoli but finally agreed to eat ham on Easter...and liked it!

I've also been getting creative with our food names. Evil Doctor Porkchops and Bullseye Beans were scarfed down with no argument.

My baby girl is much more into the dinnertime drama. I'm never sure if she truly doesn't like the food I've offered or if she is just practicing for her teenage years. Running from the table screaming, "I don't liiiiike eeeeet!" and flinging herself headfirst onto the couch is funny the first time and cute the second time. After that, it's really just a scary peek into the future.

So when do these changes take place and why? How much is nature and how much nuture? So far, the threat of no treat if you don't eat your dinner wins if it's a food she likes but just doesn't want to eat at the moment. Otherwise, she's perfectly fine with her choice if the food is offensive to her.

I've read several articles suggesting that children at this age simply want to have control over something and eating tends to be a pretty easy way for them to have that. Taste buds also change as we grow. But whyyyy? It can make what used to be such a pleasant time of day a headache - or worse - a battle that ends in timeout complete with a side of uncontrolable crying.

The bottom line in our house is that if you don't eat what's on your plate, you don't eat. So far, we haven't had much of an uprising over this. My theory is that both kids really like breakfast and lunch foods but we tend to have "different" foods for dinner. I think they can survive on what they've eaten during the first two thirds of the day and make do. I feel though, that the storm is a-comin'. Someday soon the requests for something else to eat are going to be made. And before then I'm going to need to decide...does the rule stand, or can they make themselves something else when they're big enough? We'll just have to see...

What are your dinnertime rules? I'd love to know...

If Retail Therapy's Wrong...I Don't Wanna Be Right

2011-04-10T13:18:00.000-07:00

I've done this since I've had my own money to spend. I'll have a bad day or a bad week or a bad month. Then, the feeling creeps up on me like laughter, starting somewhere deep inside and travels up my spine until I just have to let it burst out. It's a compellingly strong urge - certainly comparable to what a migrating butterfly must feel at the end of the summer. I must...go...shopping!

Now, before you send me for a good dose of Prozac, let me explain that this is exactly my point. We all have our ups and downs. It's as natural as anything and God gave most of us the proper brain chemicals to deal with adversity and pull ourselves back together.

He also gave us multiple other ways to make ourselves feel better. There's exercise (not a big favorite of mine but I will acknowledge it's value). There's friendship (also known as counseling if you pay for it). There's church (a personal favorite of mine as well). Then, much newer to the antistress/antidepression scene, there's retail therapy.

My disclaimer is here: I'm not talking about the kind of shopping that causes you to make late mortgage payments. I'm talking about a few new things. A new sweater, a new pair of shoes, a new tube of lipstick. The fact is, I feel like a million bucks when I carry a new purse and wear a new pair of sunglasses. The key word here being FEEL. YOU are in charge of the way you FEEL.

Maybe it's the time spent wandering around looking that takes my mind of whatever it is that I almost chose to feel bad about. Sometimes I even get to shop by myself. Being a mom of a 2-year-old and 3-year-old, that's a rarity, so maybe it's that, too. Regardless, I think a little shopping is good for the soul. Anybody wanna go to the mall?

REX ROUND TWO

2011-03-21T18:53:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought it was safe to go back out into the real world...

WEDNESDAY.MARCH.2.2011: Woke up as usual. While standing in the bathroom, I felt really dizzy. My vision went dark and my hearing dimmed for a few seconds. I sat down on the bed and called for Josh. I thought maybe it could be low blood sugar so I asked for some orange juice. After resting for a minute I felt a little better.

Throughout the morning all I wanted to do was sleep. Our new cleaning lady had come for the first time (God love her!) and I could barely keep my eyes open. She was at the house all morning but once she left in the early afternoon I decided I'd try to take a shower. Bad move. I could feel myself feeling faint again while I was in the shower. I sat down on the shower step and the next thing I knew I was on the floor. Thankfully, Josh had just walked into the bedroom to check on me when he heard the thud. I must've only lost consciousness for about a second or two but it's a miracle I wasn't injured. He helped me dry off and get back into bed.

After that episode it seemed obvious that I should call the doctor. I knew the nurse would say, "Go to the emergency room," and of course, she did. Next I called my primary care physician trying to get someone to see me instead of going to the ER. I couldn't bear another three hour wait at Rex. Their reply was that I needed to get to the ER and implied that I'd best stop messing around. So we made arrangements for the kids (thanks MA, Gma, And Gpa) and headed for the beltline.

Fortunately the wait was much shorter that evening. I don't know if I could have handled it otherwise. After an exam, the doctor determined that I was probably just a little dehydrated so they gave me one unit of fluids and sent me back home. The ER doctor did note that my platelet count was exceptionally high and suggested that I follow up with a hematologist within a few days.

When I got home, I had the exact same dizzy feeling. I knew something else was wrong but in a way, I think I was too exhausted to deal with it.

THURSDAY.MARCH.3.2011: Woke up exhausted. Slept most of the day. The only new development was (TMI WARNING) sticky, tarry looking poop. I'm no doctor but I've read enough about baby poop that I knew that couldn't be good. I prayed it would go away by tomorrow and went back to sleep.

FRIDAY.MARCH.4.2011: It didn't. And I was still tired. I seemed to feel a little better, getting up to get a drink of water and ate a little. But I promised my Mom the night before that if my symptoms didn't go away by this morning I'd call the doctor.

I called mid-morning and it took until almost 4:00 for the PA to get back to me. She ordered a CBC and the nurse scrambled to find a lab close to me to have it done STAT. The closest one is in Clayton so we quickly called MA to watch the kids and we got there as fast as we could. Arriving at 4:45 apparently was not good enough to have a CBC done. Never mind that they only take ten minutes to do...

So on to the JoCo ER. Now, let me take a moment to say that I have been really impressed with this ER. It is very small and is affiliated with the hospital in Smithfield. Josh, myself, and our daughter have all been there for different emergencies over the last year and a half and we have gotten great care. I didn't have to go to the ER side of the hospital; just was taken straight to the lab. We went in immediately, they drew my blood, and then we headed back home.

Within an hour my doctor (surgeon) called me himself. He said that my hemoglobin had dropped to 5 and should be around 12. He was surprised I was still walking around. For some reason it didn't register with me that hemoglobin is your iron level. I've had low iron before, dropping all the way into the 9's while I was pregnant with one of my kids.

My doctor made arrangements for me to be directly admitted into Rex (THANK YOU, DR. E!!) instead of going through the emergency room. He said to hang tight and somebody from Rex would call me when my room was ready. We called Gma and Gpa to come stay with the kids once again. (Not sure what we'd do without them.) I sat and finished my dinner because I knew I wasn't going to be allowed to eat anything for awhile. That's the drill when I end up at Rex.

By 11:00 that night I was hooked up to an IV getting three units of blood and some fluids. I had a visit from the IV team because my arms were still black and blue from my first hospital stay. They used a tiny ultrasound paddle to find my veins and even numbed me a little before they put the needle in. They're really good at what the do...and I'm not a newcomer to needing their services. I'm a "tough stick" so they say. I was also warned not to get out of bed without help. That startled me a bit.

SATURDAY.MARCH.5.2011: For some reason I thought I was just going to be in the hospital for the night...When my doctor's PA came in that morning, he certainly set me straight. "Don't expect to be out of here before Monday," he said. He explained that the most common cause of such a low hemoglobin level after surgery was internal bleeding. Now they just had to figure out where it was coming from.

PLAN A: The first thing they did was an endoscopy. I was stressed because I didn't want to be sleepy for the rest of the day but I actually woke up really easily and didn't really feel any more effects. My GI doctor was out of town so his partner performed the endoscopy. He cracked me up. He found a small ulcer in my stomach but he wasn't certain that there had been much bleeding coming from that. So...

PLAN B: He wanted me to swallow one of those tiny pill cameras to see what was going on in my intestinal tract. You can read more about them here: http://www.popsci.com/node/19963. Even though it sounds really cool, I had a bad feeling about this from the beginning. If you have a kink or a stricture somewhere in your intestines, it can get caught and then you have to have another surgery to remove it. So...

PLAN C: In order to check for issues, I had an Upper GI with small bowel follow through. If you are not a fluoro lab regular, what that means is that I swallowed some barium (a LOT of it actually) and the radiology tech kept taking xrays every 15 minutes to an hour until the barium had reached my large intestines. Well, that can take up to several hours. In this case, I had xrays from 1:30pm to 7:30pm that night and it still wasn't where it needed to be so they called it a night.

The good news: My hemoglobin had held steady in the 9's throughout the day. They decided to give me two more units of blood overnight to see if it would go higher.

SUNDAY.MARCH.6.2011: One more xray at 7:00am. The barium had reached its goal. However, the verdict was that my system was moving far to slowly to try the pill camera. That was really a relief. At the same time, that meant nobody was 100% sure where the bleeding was coming from.

My PA came in that afternoon and reiterated what my doctor had explained on Friday night. After any kind of surgery, especially on organs, blood can slowly ooze from the surgery site. It can be a little or a lot. He compared it to when you get a really bad burn on your skin. It doesn't bleed nor does fluid just flow out of it. It literally oozes. And like an oozing burn, all internal bleeding eventually stops. If it doesn't, obviously you would die. So, the plan was to wait at least another day, check my hemoglobin levels every six hours to see if my body could keep them up on my own. My crelbows certainly appreciated being assaulted every six hours. Not.

MONDAY.MARCH.7.2011: My GI doctor stopped by early and asked, "What are you still doing here?" He announced that I looked way better and that he expected Dr. E to release me. And...he did...at like 4:00 that afternoon. He had been in surgery all day and didn't get up to do rounds until then. Ugh. My hemoglobin had risen to the 10's and I was keeping it there on my own. Goodbye Rex!

Since then I have been eating myself out of house and home. I had lost 18 lbs. from the day of my surgery in February but now I've gained back about four. For once I'm not too worried about gaining weight. In fact, I'm kind of happy about it. From the day I came home from my surgery in February, I lost a total of 66 lbs. - mostly fluid that they pumped into me from the first hospital stay. I was happy to find that I weighed exactly the same on Monday as I had the Friday that I was admitted. I hope and pray I never have to go through that again!

As I write this, I have about a week left of medical leave before I return to work. I am working on building stamina and getting my strength back. I think it may be a couple more months before I really am myself again. I have to stop and be thankful though. I am alive...and that's a big deal! :)

I have to give a shout out to the nurses on 7 East at Rex. I have now been in their care four times. They are wonderful but I hope next time I see them it's at the mall or something!

THE PERFECT STORM

2011-02-25T10:49:00.000-08:00

Ok, so are you ready? Here we go...

SATURDAY.FEBRURARY.5.2011: Started vomiting uncontrollably after dinner. Lasted all night. This was very different than the stomach troubles I'd had and lasted far longer. I was worried and so was Josh. Something had to give.

SUNDAY.FEBRUARY.6.2011: Called GI doc's after hours line and GI doc himself called me back. He said we would set up a CT for Monday. Felt ok for the rest of the day...didn't eat, of course.

MONDAY.FEBRUARY.7.2011: CT at Rex Hospital with inconclusive results. Directed to see my surgeon ASAP. Not feeling too terrible.

TUESDAY.FEBRUARY.8.2011: Visit with my surgeon who concludes we should go in and check things out laporoscopically. Out of work for 3-5 days. Him: How about tomorrow? Me: Right. Cause I don't have two preschool open houses to attend, a birthday, Valentine's day with my own kids and kids at school, plus a field trip. How about February 21st? I wasn't feeling too bad. Of course, I wasn't eating.

FRIDAY.FEBRUARY.11.2011: My birthday. It was an early release/staff development day at school and all I could do was to make it until the kids left the building. Drove home and commenced vomiting. Or wretching, I guess is the better term. Nothing was coming up but a little bit of bile. It lasted all night.

SATURDAY.FEBRUARY 12.2011: Still wretching. The bile had turned dark during the night and I started to get scared. Josh called his parents to come and watch the kids and we left for the ER around 1:00. Triage was immediate. Being seen by a doctor was not. We waited for three hours, me in a wheelchair with a trashcan in my lap. Miserable.

5:00pm they came to get me. As usual, me feeling lame...like somehow I must be overreacting. I couldn't be that sick. I'm just vomiting. Right? Wrong. They started an IV and hit me with dilaudid and phenergan. Better. They admitted me.

9:00pm Finally took me from the ER room to have a CT, (so not comfortable laying flat when you're in pain and nauseous) and then up to my hospital room.

11:45pm My surgeon calls with the result of the CT. They can see an area of concern which may or may not be scar tissue. They put an NG tube down my nose to see if they can sop up any bile/digestive fluid. They can't get much, which means...there's a blockage. I am literally about to pop. There are several emergency cases in the OR at the moment and I will have to wait a bit. I went to sleep. Josh didn't.

SUNDAY.FEBRUARY.13.2011: 2:00am I was wheeled down to the OR for surgery.

4:40am Josh got the call that I was ok. I was back in my hospital bed at some point but I don't remember much.

Later that morning my surgeon came in an explained what had happened. Honestly, he really called it "The Perfect Storm" and said he'd never seen anything like it.

1. My gallbladder had malfunctioned back in the fall. That may or may not have caused much of the pain I'd been having since it was removed in November and the pain continued. But still, it was probably part of the storm.

2. Due to scar tissue from previous surgeries, one portion of my intestine had adhered to another portion and had tangled. This tangle was causing an obstruction, which apparently was getting worse and worse over time. That was the main cause of the pain which was always associated with eating. Because when you eat, you make digestive fluids. They usually keep going through, mine were not.

3. The line that runs from my lap band to my port was tangled up in the whole mess. If you're not sure what a lap band looks like on the inside, here's a diagram.

Josh and I saw actual pictures from the surgery. My surgeon has promised to get me copies and I hope to add them to this blog. Pretty amazing to see your insides in a wad.

Throughout my hospital stay the doctors had a lot of trouble keeping my heart rate, blood pressure, and respiration stable. Had I come into the hospital in good condition, I could've probably had this surgery and been up and about in a week. Unfortunately, it didn't work out that way. I was just so, so sick that surgery hit my body like a brick wall at 75 mph.

I came home with what I estimate to be 60 lbs of extra fluids. About half of that is gone so far. I look and feel pregnant with the flu. PT is helping and I'm moving around a lot better. Once again, I just find myself thankful to be alive. I'm so appreciative of all the good thoughts and prayers as well as all of the support from Josh's parents and our friends and family. We were fortunate enough to have my mom come stay for a few days. Friends have brought meals.

We are blessed and I look forward to feeling better and better each day!

Censoring Myself

2011-01-14T18:23:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged in awhile. It isn't that I haven't had ideas, I've had tons! Even though my time is limited, it isn't that I haven't had time either. It just seems that every time I think of something good to write about, I stop and second guess myself.

Sometimes I try to organize my pre-blogging thoughts when I have a few minutes alone, such as in the shower or on the way to work. I start to flesh out what I want to say and how I want to say it and suddenly I find myself wondering if I say this...how will that sound to this person or that person? Will it be misconstrued? Will someone disagree with me so strongly that we'll no longer be friends? Will I find myself in the principals office? Literally? Could I get kicked out of church for using swear words? Is it way too gross to keep talking about my digestive system?

I've become a co-dependent blogger.

Freedom of speech is an American right. For now anyway. I know I CAN say whatever I want. But should I? Even if this is just a blog, I want what I say to reflect my values and beliefs. Is it right for this to be a place to vent? Yes. And no. What if my kids read this years from now? What if my MOTHER reads this?

I think the real problem here is that I've never worried too much about speaking my peace. So I guess at this point I'm just wondering...Am I growing up? Or am I just drinking the kool aid?

New Year's Revolution

2011-01-02T11:01:00.000-08:00

I don't do New Year's resolutions. There's far too much guilt associated with procrastination and ultimately with failure. I do acknowledge that it is important to continually improve one's self and that I am not perfect. So I just prefer to go about this in a different way. And, good things often take more than a year to achieve. Therefore, without further adieu, here's what I plan to get started on this year:

1. Spend less time on Facebook. I know, less is subjective. It seems to me though, that I could concentrate more on my television watching if I was not on the computer. Haha, just kidding. I think it's wonderful to catch up with old and new friends and I really do enjoy Facebook. The other day I heard a study that suggested if you spend over an hour per day on Facebook, you may be addicted. I don't want to be addicted to anything.

2. Prepare more meals at home versus picking up take-out. This is for obvious reasons. Heating up frozen stuff counts as a meal prepared at home.

3. Spend more time PLAYING with my children. The day is coming all too soon when I will rate second to friends, media, and strange fads that I won't understand.

4. Find a new job. This one may be the exception to the no-time-limit rule. I need a new job this year. I spend far too much time driving to and from work and quite frankly, public education is sucking the life out of me.

5. Go out with my husband at least once a month. I think we've been doing pretty well on this one but there's always room for improvement.

6. Work on my children's baby books. I'm not sure why I put that off.

7. Grow more roses. Stop and smell them. :)

You Can Do Anything.....but DON'T WASTE MY TIME!

2010-12-03T18:34:00.001-08:00

For some reason the title of this blog keeps playing through my mind to the tune of Blue Suede Shoes. Try it. The rhythm is all messed up but you get the idea.

I had an appointment with the gastroenterologist today. More on that in a minute. As I was leaving they handed me orders to go to Lab Corp to have some bloodwork done. I thought maybe I'd try to go have the blood drawn quickly before heading home so that I wouldn't have to miss more work.

Thanks to the GPS on my Droid, I was able to find a Lab Corp close by. I arrived at 4:45 and their closing time was 5:00. The receptionist looked at my paperwork and the conversation went like this:

Her: Have you fasted?
Me: No, I didn't know I was supposed to.
Her: Well one of these tests is a glucose test, you're supposed to fast. (Yet she's still holding on to my paper.)
Me: Ok, well I didn't fast, nobody at the doctor's office told me I should fast. (She's still holding my paper.)
Her: (just looking at me)
Me: Do you HAVE to fast for this test or is it optional?
Her: Well, if you have the test and your glucose level is too high, you might have to come back and have it again. (Still holding my paper.)
Me: I just had a handful of M&M's in the car.
Her: (still just looking at me)
Me: I'm quite sure that my blood sugar would be high if I had that test right now. I'll come back another day. Could I please have my paper back?
Her: Oh, ok.

You may think that this is how my time was wasted today. Not so. There's more. It occurred to me that it just didn't really make much sense for a gastroenterologist to request a glucose test. So I looked at my sheet. The test the receptionist was concerned about was called a GGT. I looked it up on my trusty Droid browser. A GGT is a LIVER FUNCTION TEST!!! Come on, know your stuff! *sigh* I checked the time...5:03. Welp, so much for that.

I HATE wasting time. I'm using the word hate here. I hardly ever use that word. There are just so many truly important things to do. I make schedules and lists and agendas and lesson plans and iteneraries so that I don't waste other peoples' time. I am the organizer. I fit in what couldn't possibly fit in. I get things done! *sigh*

And then I got stuck on 440 in 5:00 traffic. Don't get me started on traffic. Sitting in traffic is at the top of my list of the worst time wasters and yet I experience it at least twice per day. It takes me way too long to get to and from work because of the traffic. It's so stressful on so many different levels.

Segue.

The gastroenterologist is leaning towards the possibility of me having an ulcer. Me? Stressed?

Here are the four possibilities he's theorizing at this point:
1. Sphincter of Oddi Dysfunction (but since it's so rare, he's doubting that one)
2. A small gallstone stuck in the bile duct. (Ultrasounds pick up gallstones that measure 5mm or greater. When I had a gallbladder/liver ultrasound no stones were seen. A stone as small as 2mm could cause a problem though. And...yes...you can still have gallstones after having your gallbladder removed. They can be made in your liver and then pushed through your bile ducts when you eat and bile is released.)
3. Intestinal Spasms (This is something similar to Irritable Bowel Syndrome - in fact he gave me meds to try because this would be the easiest to treat if that's what it is.)
4. An Ulcer

He also says I look anemic. That's no shocker though. I've had trouble with that ever since my first pregnancy.

So I'm having an endoscopy next Friday to check out my stomach for ulcers, strictures, a band slip, or any other kind of possible abnormality.

Yay, more bills from Rex. Another missed day of work. I'm so excited. But then again...at least I get to take a big fat nap next Friday.

Breaking the Double Century Mark...Again

2010-11-21T13:27:00.000-08:00

It finally happened today. For the second time in my life I have crossed over from the 200's into the 100's on the scale, going in the preferred direction. I know what you're going to say...."But you don't LOOK like you weigh 200 pounds!" Well, thanks. I really do though, and the crazy thing is that I actually feel really skinny right now.

If you know me well, you know that in April of 2003 I weighed 326 pounds. I'm still not exactly sure how that happened. I made the choice to have gastric bypass surgery and over the course of the next year and a half I lost 395 pounds. That would be 145 pounds worth of me and 250 pouds worth of ex-husband. All for the best, next chapter. You can read about the first year or so of my weight loss surgery journey here: http://www.obesityhelp.com/member/denyseanderson/. Scroll down to "My Story."

I never reached my goal of 170, but hung around at 185 for some time. (Nope, never made a goal to get to my ideal weight.) After having two children I found my weight climbing again. I wasn't sure if my small stomach had stretched or what, and sought the advice of a surgeon. Through endoscopy this past February, it was discovered that I had a hiatal hernia that was probably there at the time of my gastric bypass surgery. Therefore my stomach pouch was not made as small as my original surgeon thought. Then, as I lost weight (a whole person, mind you! you can clap if you want because 145 pounds is really, really awesome!) and then gained and lost with two pregnancies, the herniated portion of my stomach relaxed and fell back through the opening in the diaphragm...giving me more room to eat. And that's exactly what I did. Fan-stinkin-tastic.

It made a lot of sense, though, because I had been having some discomfort from eating for several months. I was also really happy to know why I was gaining weight. Making the decision to have the hiatal hernia repaired was easy. The tough part was deciding how to deal with the semi-ruined gastric bypass. There were a couple of options but the one I chose was to have a lapband placed over my gastric bypass. How the lapand has worked for me is definitely a topic for another blog alltogether because less than a week after that surgery, I started to get extremely sick. I haven't really had a chance to use the lapband much yet. I ended up back in the hospital for another week with an abdominal hernia that caused a small bowel obstruction. That required emergency surgery.

Now I feel like my blogs have gone around in circles regarding my surgeries...so let's review! Ha!

April 2003 - Gastric Bypass
May 2010 - LapBand Placement with Hiatal Hernia Repair & Lysis of Adhesions (removal of scar tissue)
May 2010 - Small Bowel Obstruction and Abdominal Hernia Repair
November 2010 - Cholecystectomy (gallbladder removal)

Ok...so...back to the point of this blog. Since the second weight loss surgery, my intention was certainly to lose weight. But the real reason for my weight loss at this point is that I have been so sick. The first 20 pounds came off directly after the surgeries in May. During the first two weeks of recovery, I had nothing but water, ice, and IV fluids. The next 15 pounds have come off as a pretty direct result of the gallbladder/possible sphincter of oddi dysfunction this fall. The nurses at my surgeon's office were actually surprised that I haven't lost more. I can tell you my secret, though. If you want to maintain your weight (or gain) just EAT CARBS. Little food demons that they are, they have kept me from wasting away too quickly. That's pretty much all I can eat right now. Foods that are high in fat, including most proteins, are just not on the happy list. I keep telling myself I should be thankful that I can at least eat something and that I have food to eat at all. Plenty of people in the world are not so lucky. Some days I really stink at being thankful but I'm working on that.

This is so bitter-sweet. I'm ultimately happy to be on the underside of 200. It's like I breathed a sigh of relief when I stood on the scale and saw a one in front of the other two numbers. In fact, I'm sure that's exactly what I did. Obesity is a life-long battle and no matter what size I am - ever - I will always have to live with struggling with my weight. Losing and maintenance are both extremely difficult but dealing with your weight has to become as much a part of your life as showering and brushing your teeth. It's similar to someone with diabetes in a lot of ways. Your life style changes, but you accept it as part of you and adjust. But in the same vein, I'm not always perfect with this life style. I sometimes make poor choices with eating and exercising, sometimes for a few days or a week, sometimes for a year. But then I get back on track. The best news is, that in order to get off track, I had to have been on track at some point. That's encouraging to me. I've done this before...so I know I can do it again.

This baffles me, but this blog has really not been about my adorably bright and cuddly children so far. With the health surprises I've had in the last few weeks, it's almost serving as a bit of creative (and free) therapy for me right now. They are, however, along with their daddy and my faith in God, what inspires me to keep going. I absolutely can get through all of this. And, being thinner, I can enjoy my time with them so much more....because neither of them is going to sit still for long and I refuse to be left behind!!

I was amazed this week to find out that I have several readers. I think I blushed yesterday when my neighbor told me she'd been reading my blog. I think that's really neat though, and I feel pretty special to have a few readers...so, thanks!! And keep reading because good things are undoubtedly ahead! :)

Sphincter of WHAT?

2010-11-19T19:46:00.000-08:00

The gallbladder surgery did not fix me. Yes, my gallbladder was inflamed and the HIDA scan showed that my gallbladder function was too low. It was part of the problem and it needed to come out. But, two weeks later, I'm still having the exact same pain as before the surgery. Excrutiating pain. Pain that feels like I'm in labor and a baby is going to come out of the middle of my back. And then I dry heave for hours. Nothing relieves the pain, not even pain medication.

So back to the doctor I went. Long story short, he thinks it is likely a fairly rare condition called sphincter of oddi disfunction.

Technically speaking, here is the definition:

Sphincter of Od·di Pronunciation: /-ˈäd-ē/
Function: n
a complex sphincter closing the duodenal orifice of the common bile duct

The HUH? Pictured below, it's the valve, if you will, that allows bile and pancreatic fluid to flow into the uppermost part of the intestines. It helps digest your food. Sometimes the sphincter of oddi can become too tight and it doesn't release the digestive fluids properly. The duct gets blocked since the fluids don't drain out, and...it hurts like heck.

My doctor is not 100% sure that this is the cause. It could be pancreatitis. The pancreas and bile duct work together so it can be hard to tell. I'm headed to a gastroenterologist soon to get his take on this. The treatment options vary for this condition. I can tell you one thing, though. After three surgeries in 2010, SuperMom is not ready for another one anytime soon.

Holy Choley OR Choley 101

2010-11-11T21:56:00.000-08:00

Cholecystectomy is the scientific name for gallbladder removal surgery. And when you have your gallbladder out, all the doctors and nurses call it a "choley" (pronounced Ko-lee). In fact, they even referred to me as a choley. As in, "Doctor E, your choley is prepped and ready for the OR." Ha.

Actually, there are a lot of funny things that are said in hospitals. When you're being prepped for surgery, several different people will ask you if you know what type of surgery you are having. I can only assume that's either to keep you from accidentally having the wrong surgery or maybe it's a quick psych consult. I really, really wanted to say that I was having a vasectomy or a boob job, just to see what kind of reaction I would get.

It seems that it's a requirement nowadays to explain what will be done during your procedure. I guess that's to give you one last chance to back out. Typically, it's a very dumbed-down version. One nurse even explained my choley to me this way, "We're gonna make a few poke-holes in your belly and take your gallbladder out that way." Clearly they don't know me...I'm one of those people who comes in with a list of questions written down just in case I'm given a sedative prior to having the opportunity to ask questions.

In all seriousness I cannot say enough nice things about the staff at Rex Hospital. Throughout all three of my hospital stays this year, I have had wonderful care from the nursing staff to the radiology department to the orderlies who wheeled me all over the place for testing.

Since my choley I'm doing pretty well and honestly, this has been nothing compared to the two surgeries I had back in May. I'm still a little sore but should be as good as new in a few more days. But...here's what nobody will tell you about having your gallbladder removed: You can actually continue to have some of the same symptoms after surgery. Well, isn't that just great.

There are actually a couple of promintent websites that are quite dedicated to trying to convice people not to have a choley. The reasoning is that you can manage your gallbladder attacks by not eating things that bring them on. Simple enough. Their recommendation is changing your eating habits in a major way...consuming mainly fresh, organic foods (we already know that's a healthy thing, right?), completely staying away from high fats and fried food (ok, that wouldn't be such a bad thing), and also removing any processed foods from your diet. What?! No protein bars? No teddy grams? No frozen pizzas? Ah-haha. Not happening. As much as I would love to say that I could make that kind of commitment, it's just not realistic.

So, how can you still have gallbladder attacks with no gallbladder? Let's back up. The gallbladder's job is to store bile that's been made in your liver. When you eat, the gallbladder releases the amount of bile you'll need in order to digest the type of food you've eaten. When you have your gallbladder removed, the bile duct is then attached directly to your intestines so that you still get the benefit of digestion. So, once your gallbladder is gone, they're no longer gallbladder attacks, but an issue with the right amount of bile being released for digestion. That means that the gallbladder itsself is not always 100% of the problem. The problem can lie in faulty bile ducts that supply the bile, thus resulting in poor digestion.

I'm totally not going to explain what I mean by "poor digestion." Use your imagination. The task at hand for me though, is to now figure out what I can eat and what I can't. From what I understand from other choley patients is that it's trial and error. Also, factor in the idea that the amount of bile production can vary, dependent on which way a butterfly flaps its wings on it's way to spend the winter in Mexico.

So when you notice that I'm not enjoying a doughnut with everyone else, be proud of me for having good self control. But if you notice me running for the bathroom after eating that doughnut, please remember that I'm only human!

Image Addiction

2010-11-07T18:27:00.000-08:00

I absolutely cannot wait until Friday, November 26, 2010. Nope, not for the Black Friday deals. This is a day my sister, sister-in-law, and I plan for starting around September 1st of every year. We fervently email back and forth, visit multiple websites to get ideas, text our final selections and then breathe a sigh of relief when it's all set. It's the annual Anderson cousins Christmas photo shoot!

It started in 2006 when the cousins consisted of my brother's twin two-year-old boys and my sister's one-year-old son. I was pregnant with my son at the time and instantly fell in love with the idea. In the first photo the boys are wearing matching reindeer sweaters and have a few cookie crumbs on thier faces. (Cookies help keep toddlers still in case you're wondering.)

By 2007 There were four cousins and two more on the way. In 2008 and 2009 we weighed in with six, including the first girl. This year, for 2010, the tally has bumped up to a lucky total of seven, at which we feel fairly certain it will stay for good. That brings the score to five boys and two girls, now ages five months to six years.

Over these five years we have developed a pretty savvy game plan. There are two main positions. We have the stagers and we have the papparazzi. The stagers position the children as best as possible. They're also on hand to catch run-aways and return them as quickly as they can. The paparazzi do exactly what you think. They shoot as many pictures as they can, as fast as they can, before someone starts crying. Because, beleive me, when it comes to taking posed pictures of small children, someone always cries. And sometimes it's not one of the kids...

So this year we've decided to take this to another level. We're hiring a professional photographer to capture this family event and we're even going on location! Depending on the weather, we'll either be descending on a local park or a fancy schmancy hotel which will be all dolled up for Christmas. I'm especially excited about our photographer, who has done shoots for numerous friends and family back home this year. Check her out here: http://www.lovereflectedbyaprille.com/.

Now you can't wait, either, right?? I'll be sure to share!

Anderson Cousins 2009

Love is patient, love is kind. Love can drive you out of your mind.

2010-11-05T12:21:00.000-07:00

Today has been one of those days. I am home on sick leave, four days after having gallbladder surgery. My household consists of 1. Me 2. A two-year-old little girl who will not let me out of her sight 3. A three-year-old little boy who has, for some reason, regressed to pooping in his pull-up 4. A husband who had a dental procedure yesterday and, directly afterward, was headbutted in the very spot the dental work was done by number 3.

At the present, I (#1) am in my bedroom typing as quietly as can be because #2 is sleeping in her crib and #3 is in his bed, on the edge of sleep, but still singing a chorus of "mommy-mommy-mommy-mommy-mommy." #4 has escaped to the grocery store - an unlikely place for him - but apparently worth it to escape the madness that is alive and well in our home today.

It seems I've forgotten #5 and #6. I would've forgotten them completely because #5, my clingy siamese mix, is sitting at my knees, as per usual. However, #6, our elderly, very overweight and diabetic feline just barfed a load on my bedroom carpet. Maybe he was feeling left out. #4 is going to be thrilled about that. Maybe I'll get up and put some paper towels on it or something to at least give him a heads-up. Or maybe not.

#3 has mashed up the mommy-mommy-mommy with Old MacDonald. #2 is stirring and looking for a passy.

What makes no sense whatsoever is that I would rather be doing this, right here, right now, more than anything else I can think of. Why? Because I am in LOVE! Yes, love. I'm in love with all of them. My grumpy husband, my overtired children, my high need cats. Maybe not with the actual puke in the floor, but you get the picture.

Uh-oh...garage door. #2 is awake.

Anyway, this love thing is pretty heavy. It helps me do things I never thought I could. It's like this volcano of JOY that spurts up everytime I doubt that I can take one more step further. It hugs me tight when there are no human arms around. It picks me up and swings me around by my hands and plops me down gently with my head still spinning. It's pretty powerful stuff.

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. - 1 John 4:16

Mom, wife, teacher, sister, daughter, wanna-be decorator and fashionista...

2010-11-04T18:03:00.000-07:00

Let me go ahead and start by apologizing...I'M SORRY. As if you don't have enough to read in this world of endless cyberclutter. But for some reason I've decided it's time for me to start a blog. Be warned: I anticipate pages of cuddly stories about my extremely gifted, adorable, toddler and preschooler. You know, because there aren't enough blogs like that out there. And I'll probably add a little something about my life as a 3rd grade teacher, since that seems to take up 80% of my waking hours.
Couple this with my quest to find some sort of balance between work and family and I should have a unique spin on life, right? Ok, well probably not, but maybe I'll think of something funny to say.