Mound of Earth

There is a fresh mound of earth in the woods behind my house. Beneath it lies my friend of eleven years. I've dug plenty of holes in my lifetime, but never a grave. It was difficult to do. There were many rocks and roots in the way. There were tears in the way as well.

As I worked I thought about why the tears were coming so easily now. My Lilly has been missing for nearly two weeks. Each night I checked the shelter websites and Craig's List for an ad that was never going to be placed.  Kind friends helped me look. Friends tried to will her home. I had hope.

As I stood over the open earth and placed her in, I told her how sorry I was that we didn't know she got out. Sorry that we didn't even realize for a whole day. And sorry for all those times that I ignored her to do "work."

The quentessential Siamese, she was by my side always. She was so beautiful. And sweet. I know that she knew that I loved her.

But as much as I loved her for her, I really think my tears today were for eleven years of life that have passed in the blink of an eye. Lilly was with me through a divorce, a 145 pound weight loss, a move to a different state, a new marriage, two babies, job loss, new jobs, major illness, and much inbetween.

For two weeks I've prayed for my sweet cat to come home. I'm not sure why my prayer wasn't answered. I might not ever know. I just know I miss my friend who slept curled up beside my pillow each night.

There is some relief in knowing.

The hardest part has been watching a man who claims not to like cats walk outside each evening and stare into the woods...call her name, take off his hat, and shake his head. He loved her too.

Ahead of us lies a conversation with two little ones that will be much harder than dealing with my own feelings about this. If they ask me why Lilly had to go to heaven right now, I won't have an answer.



For every animal of the forest is mine,

and the cattle on a thousand hills.

I know every bird in the mountains,

and the creatures of the field are mine.

 

~Psalm 50:11-12

Even The Good Weeds

If you've read my blog before, you know that the title is in jest. I am not, nor will I ever be, Super Mom. I do try, however, to be a mom first and foremost. So that is why I have not blogged in THREE WHOLE MONTHS. *gasp* I've been a little busy. (That, of course, is an understatement.) So I've taken some time off. But beware, I am working toward a different season in which I may have a tad more time to myself. You know I'll spend some of my 'me' time with my kids and my husband but I bet that you'll also catch me blogging more. Fair warning.

And now...on to my actual reason for writing today...



Blogging is not the only thing I haven't done for three months. This morning I spent a couple of hours cleaning out a smelly garage and a very weedy flower bed. I'm not finished, but it was time well spent and it looks far better than it did. I don't remember there being this many weeds in my front flower bed in the four year history of living in our home. My husband had even tried to spray weed killer on the weeds and it had merely yellowed them a bit. They continued to grow.

Weeding is a love/hate relationship for me for a couple of reasons. I hate it because it's time consuming and it makes my hands hurt. I love it because I'm one of those people who loves immediate gratification. Within an hour I can turn an ugly patch of mess into a pretty mulch bed. The results are easily seen in a relatively short amount of time. Weeding also allows me time to think. Nobody really wants to help with the weeds so I tend to chop and pull all by my lonesome. Once in awhile, lonesome is a good thing. Especially lately.

So God and I had a bit of a chat, which we haven't done quite so much lately. Not the good kind of chat at least. I've prayed and prayed like I always do but I haven't really been listening. Or, maybe I've been listening but I haven't really heard. You know what I mean.

So as we were talking, I noticed that the weeds were much easier to pull than usual because of the rain that we'd had last night. That certainly made things go faster. In addition to the aforementioned variety of hearty, yellowing, poison-treated weeds, there were many others. There was one that looked like a little sycamore tree, one with tiny dandilion looking tufts on it, and one with thorns that I am still suffering a bit from. They were all easy enough to pull, place in my lawn bag, and get rid of.

But then....there were the morning glories...

I love morning glories. They're like a gorgeous little surprise gift each morning from August through the beginning of October or so. They come in such happy vivid hues, different sizes, and they are generally quite hearty. I certainly consider them a beautiful flower. But some gardeners and farmers consider them a weed because truly, they are so invasive. If they are not tended they will simply take over. And sometimes even if they are tended, they take over anyway.

Morning glories are tenacious as well. They come back year after year after year. There is a petite little variety of tiny, white, wild morning glory that comes back in one of my backyard flowerbeds each year. It somehow survived the year that we had the whole backyard(which was nothing but clay anyway) pulverized and covered in sod. It simply won't give up. I love the morning glories dearly, and I don't want to pull them.

So this morning glory is much like my life right now. There are SO many morning glories, or beautiful things, in my life that are just growing and thriving. I'm so pleased! So thankful! It's a wonderful time to watch God's work and I have been so blessed to be a part of such extraordinary grace. But, as you might guess, sometimes even the morning glories have to be tamed, to be 'weeded' if you will. Because otherwise, the healthy plants and earth below will only be healthy for so long.

Today I met many little earthworms as I dug out weeds and fluffed the mulch. They were not there four years ago. After careful ammending to the soil, it is now a good place for both plants and worms to live happily. Simply put, it's like ME. I've been tending myself carefully. I'm healthy, I'm richly blessed, and I continue to receive God's amazing love. But I have to take care. Sometimes even the good weeds have to be pulled in order to keep your heart healthy.

So I will. I promise.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

¹ For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

² a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
³ a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
⁴ a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
⁵ a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
⁶ a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
⁷ a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
⁸ a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

Unfriended

Recently I was unfriended on facebook by someone I considered to be a good friend. There was no confrontation, no explanation, and as far as I know, no real reason to do so. "Big deal!" you say. Big deal, my foot! Regardless of the fact that I am a full fledged grown-up, it still hurt my feelings! I know it's just facebook, and I realize that this person may even think that I would never notice. Well, I noticed. "Maybe it was on accident!" you say. No, only if this person accidentally unfriended my husband as well. Not likely.

Even if it was not a direct attack, it was an insult in my general direction. So to make myself feel better, here are a few reasons I have come up with to rationalize why this person may have decided to unfriend me:

1. I chew a lot of ice. Loudly.
2. Sometimes I still watch reruns of Dog the Bounty Hunter.
3. I secretly have mad krumping skillz.
4. My mom car is just too sexy.
5. I'm uncannily good at 80's trivia.
6. Nearly every room in my house somehow incorporates an element from Star Wars.
7. I find that most meats are really just a vehicle for Frank's hot sauce.
8. Any four pair of shoes in my closet, added together, are valued at less than $100.
9. My passion for saving orb spiders may be just a bit too weird.
10. I just look too darned much like Monica Lewinsky.

So,  I guess I understand. Some of these offenses are pretty rough. But I hope one day this person sees through the outer me and forgives whatever I may have done - or appeared to have done. And I really hope this person knows that I still love them.

On a side note, I am exceptionally grateful that facebook did not exist when I was a teenager. Because if so, I would still be paying for the therapy bills.

Pink Blankets

Naptime is typically drama-free with my daughter. She has always been the type of child to crawl in her bed, give you a hug and a kiss on each cheek and be out as soon as the lights are off. Yesterday, though, I spent the first hour of naptime consoling, resisting negotiations, and keeping my patience in check.

At the beginning of nap, she laid down just fine, but within fifteen minutes I could hear her over the monitor and she was full on bawling. Of course, I headed upstairs to see what was going on. Inbetween sobs, she explained that she wanted her pink blanket. And not just any pink blanket, either. The very same pink blanket that she had just negotiated to trade with her brother so that she could have his blue polka dotted blanket. It wasn't an easy sell. How many five year old big brothers would be willing to trade their awesome blue blanket for a pink blanket? It took some doing, but he (as usual) was willing to make her happy and made the trade.

However...the pink blanket was, at that moment, wrapped up with big brother and he was in his bed asleep. Which I told her. And you can guess what happened next. We tried to talk it out, we tried to hug it out, I tried laying down with her for a minute but to no avail. It was as if she had just received the news of the demise of her best friend. Or that Chick-fil-a had closed or something. To put it simply, there was a whole lot of really loud crying going on. And she was even starting to get angry that she couldn't get what she wanted!

This story ends pretty well...sort of. Her crying woke her brother up, who understood the situation (and his sister) enough to bring her the blanket. While I was glad to see her settled down, I really was concerned by the message that was sent: If you cry loud enough and long enough, you'll eventually get what you want.

Is that really what I want to teach her? Absolutely not. And it made me think...this is exactly how God teaches us. Sometimes we cry long and loud for what we want, only to be left with an unanswered prayer. But these are the times that God teaches us the most. It's hard and it hurts, but it's for a good reason.

So I'm just reflecting back today...what have been the pink blankets in my life? Which ones were never made available to me? What did I learn from that? Which ones did I cry out for and eventually receive? What was the lesson in waiting? And who did God use to give them to me?

Only God can put together puzzle pieces like mine and make them fit perfectly.

Check out this great sermon clip from Pastor Steven Furtick of Elevation Church in Charlotte, NC:
What To Do When God Doesn't Come Through

Second Chances

I'm sitting here printing out little Star Wars name tags and activities for my son's birthday party on Saturday. I've had a great but busy week and I still have lots to do before the big day. We have out of town company coming as well as tons of friends. You know, the usual. It's nothing you wouldn't do. I don't really feel stressed about it, mainly because of my new "I don't care" cleaning policy. If I can live with it on a daily basis, guests can live with it for a day. I will, however, wash the guest sheets and clean the toilets before guests arrive. There's about a 50% chance of vacuuming.

So this is all good and I'm happy but very tired. A little late on preparing my flower beds this year, I've spent the last two nights spreading 28 bags of mulch. Yes, that's 56 cubic feet. And yes, I just double checked my math on the calculator because I'm so tired. But this is still all good.

But as the printer chugs along, I print something that isn't quite right, tear it in half, fix the document, and print another one.  Then, here is where my mind goes...

I can start over whenever I want.

I can, no matter what, stop anything and try again. The Bible says that in the beginning, God created everything by speaking (Genesis 1), and Jesus was the Word who caused everything to come to pass. (John 1:1–2, 14) So if you put your faith in Him, all you have to do is stop what you're doing, ask for forgiveness, and start again. And you can do this as many times as you need to. Why? Because we're human. And God knows this. Anything that is broken can be fixed. Anything that is wrong can be made right. Any person, place, object, situation, or idea can hold purpose through Christ. It's just that simple.

Through Jesus, ALL things can be made new.

2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV)

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

John 1: 3 (NIV)
Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.

UNDER CONSTRUCTION!!

This blog is under construction! I am reorganizing to make things a little easier to read and enjoy. In the meantime, check out my latest blog post here: http://momchronicles.blogspot.com/p/god-chronicles.html?spref=fb

Our Little Ray of Sunshine

This afternoon a mom and a dad came in to pick up their child at preschool. As I always do, I asked how they were and the mom replied through teary eyes, "We had to put our eighteen-year-old cat to sleep this morning." If you know me you might think that's going to be the pivotal connection in this story as I can closely relate. I lost my sweet Mattie to cancer three years ago and my lovable, fifteen-year-old, diabetic Isaac surely will not be with us forever. My eyes quickly teared up, too.

It's what they said next, though, that made the impression. "We're ready to pick up our little ray of sunshine." The power of a sweet little face was going to change the way they faced the rest of a very tough day.

It was such a simple exchange, but it was such a great reminder that as a teacher, it's so crucial to live out the belief that every single child is a ray of sunshine to someone and should be treated as such. Even when they refuse to sit down and listen. Or throw their shoes in the trash can. Or tip over a cup of paint on purpose. Or somehow forget to clean up even though you just told them to five seconds ago. Or tell you, "NO!" so many times in one day that it makes your skin prickle.

Because moreover, that child is not just a ray of sunshine to a pair of human parents, but to the God who created them. He's entrusted these children to us for such a short amount of time. Every encounter is so fleeting, yet so important, and so precious.

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." (Mark 10:14)

Children are a gift from the LORD, they are a reward from Him. (Psalm 127:3)

Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 18:4)