Friday, January 14, 2011

Censoring Myself

I haven't blogged in awhile. It isn't that I haven't had ideas, I've had tons! Even though my time is limited, it isn't that I haven't had time either. It just seems that every time I think of something good to write about, I stop and second guess myself.

Sometimes I try to organize my pre-blogging thoughts when I have a few minutes alone, such as in the shower or on the way to work. I start to flesh out what I want to say and how I want to say it and suddenly I find myself wondering if I say will that sound to this person or that person? Will it be misconstrued? Will someone disagree with me so strongly that we'll no longer be friends? Will I find myself in the principals office? Literally? Could I get kicked out of church for using swear words? Is it way too gross to keep talking about my digestive system?

I've become a co-dependent blogger.

Freedom of speech is an American right. For now anyway. I know I CAN say whatever I want. But should I? Even if this is just a blog, I want what I say to reflect my values and beliefs. Is it right for this to be a place to vent? Yes. And no. What if my kids read this years from now? What if my MOTHER reads this?

I think the real problem here is that I've never worried too much about speaking my peace. So I guess at this point I'm just wondering...Am I growing up? Or am I just drinking the kool aid?

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